The practice of dating/mating before marriage is adopted from the West. Indian Culture had earlier been consverative about that. Nevertheless the convervative nature of Indian Culture had its own reasons. It is been said that earlier the society had been too much indulgent and there was no rule and order in people in olden times. As such during the ‘Adarshwadi’ yug, the then learned people of the society decided to vehemently oppose indulgence, addiction and enjoyment which had lead to lawlessness in the society. People were not involved in anything productive and used to waste time and resources in mere entertainment purposes. As such, in the adarshwadi yug, strict moral principles and guidelines were formlated to make people productive and prevent wastefulness. Strict family principles were laid out, poets were discouraged to compose love songs, and drugs and addiction materials were banned. The tradition here in India was so strong that people were afraid to break the rule else they will be outcasted. Then came the ‘Chayabadi’ period when poets used to use symbols and metaphors instead of direct words to express their feelings of love and appreciation of beauty. With the advent of British rulers inIndia people slowly and gradually started to open up. Many western cultures were adopted however with reservations. The practice of love marriage is one among them. However, Indian culture is still not open to the idea of casual dating. Dating in India generally starts after the committment. Whereas in western world, there is the process of casual dating only for the sake of fun. Both have their own advantages and disadvantages.
The practice of dating after being committed leaves little scope for the couples to know each other before the committment which many times eventually leads to break off and break break, once they find that they not compatible. Casual dating as they say do not remain so after a certain amount of time since emotional involvement are not casual involvments. It is more so in case of women who are generally considered more emotional in nature. It leads to a process of continuous frustrations in the end when one of the partners need the relationship to be serious. There is another serious flaw of this hook-up culture. Young people becomes too much dependent on others to become happy in life. They do not know to enjoy the freedom, independence and self-sufficiency of a single life and this leads to an incomplete growth of an individual.
Now, how to overcome the flaws of both systems.
Relationship counsellors nowadays proposes a period of courtship before committment, which is not an emotional relationship but rather a period of conscious dating to know whether the other person is compatible with ones requirements, needs and wants. This generally happens in arrange marriages nowadays in India. Conscious dating is perhaps the best way, in which a consious decision is made based on facts and figures rather than based on attraction or infatuation. It eliminates the hurt break after a failed committed relationship and the frustrations of a casual one in which one person feels used or utilised for the entertainment of the other.
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i believe the operative word here is ‘emotional maturity’…most people nowadays rely on rhetoric to argue against dating, saying things like ‘oh, see how many love marriages end up in a divorce’..this is a wrong statement at 2 levels: 1stly, divorce is not necessarily a bad thing (particularly if 2 ppl turn out to be totally different when they start living with each other) & we need to get rid of the stigmas associated with it to get a clearer/more practical view of things..2ndly, more often than not, the fact that its a love or arranged marriage has got little to do with the state of affairs..i personally feel (or rather have experienced in ppl arnd me) the alarming lack of emotional maturity in the youth of our generation, this obviously contributes in a big way to all the post-marriage misunderstandings (in case of arranged) & expectations not being met (in case of love)..being able to bond as friends (before bonding as partners) is very much needed…here in US they have swinged totally to the other side giving the maximum importance to the ‘dating game’ in media and elsewhere while the actual married life becomes secondary..this reminds me of the big durga-pujas in delhi (C.R.Park etc.).. while Ma Durga’s podium whose worship is the main occasion stays empty, thousands dance near the stage to the tune of a latest artist performing at the cost of lakhs…i seriously dont think that all young men n women participating in an arranged courtship have the adequate maturity to look at things objectively..more often than not i suspect the girl would be swayed by what the guy does for a living while the guy by something as stupid as how she looks..although increasingly being practiced in urban india there’s potential for this system to throw up flaws unless the guy n girl are ‘friends’ from before & probably never though of each other in this perspective (which although much lesser practiced i think is a much better solution & can probably stand the tests u have mentioned in para.3)…intriguing article, thanks!